Thankful that Turkey is Finally Here! And Flying!

Thanksgiving is one of those occasions where you look back and think about all the things that give you pleasure and make your life richer. Nicole Kidman has been doing this a lot in interviews for the epic. I bet you hadn't noticed had you? Kidman is thankful for Tennessee, for her daughter’s crying, for her movie and its director.

She is thankful for a gullible press, dress designers who think she is still special and a publicist who earns every dollar of her salary. Some feel she is thankful for her husband, but that is more of an abstract as opposed to a literal gratitude. Yes, Nicole Kidman is one lucky woman.

I can't wait for this whole PR tour to be over and let the chips fall where they may or fly at who they will. Sounds like there are some problems with the film… are we surprised? Not at all, this thing was doomed for a very long time, but think of our sheer glee knowing that most of the problems with the film are being placed right in Kidman's lap. Damn, Christmas came early to all of us didn't it? I can't wait to read the reviews.

Here we are - the big New York City premiere of the epic and Keith is there in his big boy suit and nine inch heels. They look so happy don't they? So perfect like a couple is supposed to; they are so in love, so blessed to find peace and contentment with one another. Well that’s what Kidman wants you to think. She really is pushing this happy and satisfied bit isn't she? Going to concerts and local festivals; getting coffee together. Are you like me and don't really trust what is being said? I know that with Kidman it’s all said for a reason. The reason being that she wants to sell the movie, right? Perhaps, just perhaps there is something else that Kidman feels the need to sweep under the carpet? Some rumors going around about her secure happy marriage perhaps? Well stay tuned because long after the epic rises or falls the focus will switch and it will be all about .....? Yeah a little tease for all of you to stay tuned… kind of like Ted Casablanca reminding all of us about the reality of the fairytale, and perhaps even more! We know the truth…we just need to remember it from time to time.

Happy Thanksgiving to all...from Urban Myths

Back to Keith Urban for a change...

I wish we could take Kidman out of the equation, but I can't; so let’s just try to look at Keith and what he has been doing for the last few weeks. First, we have the number one party. In a recent interview, Keith acknowledged that it had been a long time since that had happened and that he liked that. Now let's remember that it took a seven year old song that was a fan favorite to do that. But if that feeling, that drive for success that I feared was erased at Betty Ford is back, then go off and create Mr. Urban.

Second, let’s look at his new single. I don't really like Sweet Thing. The music is good but the lyrics seem too trendy. What's next? A song about a boy, a girl, and one is a vampire? I think this song wasn't that important to Keith and it was hurried out for the sake of a record company. Looking at its chart placement we can see the public doesn't think it’s a sweet thing and that’s too bad because it might just indicate that there are some problems that need to be addressed. Problems? Perhaps it is time for Keith to take a risk. Find new co-writers or record others’ songs. The old formula doesn't seem to be working.

And that brings us to topic number three: the DVD. We did a mini review a couple of blogs ago about the DVD, but the same can be said about Keith's videos. Find a new director; it's time to get rid of the old tired formula. I know it seems like this works -there is a relationship between the director and the artist. Like Chesney and Silva you can see that kind of relationship, but with Urban and Hicky you don't see this. It’s tired and uncreative; perhaps their friendship is getting in the way of the professional relationship. Look at Start a Band and you can see what a director who is aware of what is going on can do with a song that is pretty simplistic.

Start a Band brings us to point number four: Keith needs to quit wasting his energy doing duets. I mean, Rhonda, Dolly, Martina, Nelly and Brad all see the merits in working with Keith. His performances with all of them show people what he can do; but why can't he take the energy he puts in these efforts and bring them to his own music? He has been doing remakes and covers for too long now. Did his time at Betty Ford zap his drive to do his best? Is recording for Keith now just going to the office? By the looks of his performances on television you can see that passion; it would be nice if it were reflected in the recorded music. A lot is riding on this record and it may turn Keith Urban into someone you go to see but don't bother buying the records.

We Support You, Nicole...

You think that we have flipped our lids by giving Kidman a message of support…you would be wrong. What we support is her retirement from films. No more having to dread a film preview because Kidman might be in it. No more stupid interviews with stupid statements and dumb headlines generated by those interviews. No more God awful premieres with Kidman and her pale lifeless body with thinning hair and turkey neck showing up and crowding out the more talented people in the cast. Finally, no more Oscar red carpets. We will be free from her screwing up a nomination presentation. No more ruining the magazines with her dumb choices for clothing. Yes, yes, yes! Nicole retire and the sooner the better! It does look like she may be in another flop. They have taken her almost completely out of the current crop of previews on television. She was on Oprah, but Hugh stole that from her and she is now an afterthought as we have the Aniston/Pitt tales. Yes, the epic may be a good time to quit.

With every clear sky there comes into it a little cloud. In this case, what the hell is that narcissistic bitch going to do if she isn't on a movie set or shilling another film? Stay in Tennessee and raise the little girl? Worse - go on the road with Keith? No, no and no on all counts. First, what the hell kind of parent is she that she leaves a four month old by herself in another country on another continent? And don't throw Angelina at us either, because we know if Angie is gone Bradley is there. Also, can you imagine Kidman on the road with her entourage? She hates his music and perhaps even Keith right now so what is she going to do? Be a road wife?

And, of course she wants more babies. Why? Hasn’t she already hurt three children by claiming motherhood on them? But it’s the in thing now to have more kids, so Kidman will. Or someone will.

And speaking of the baby daddy, we love the new video with Brad Paisley. They are having fun and he is enjoying himself. We can't say that about the pictures recently from both Nashville and Sydney. Keith looks dour, pensive and sad. Why did he go to Sydney? To see his family? He was only seen getting off the plane, on the red carpet at the premiere, and getting back on the plane. Why did he leave that little girl and fly with Kidman over there? Why is Kidman going on and on about how they work so hard on their marriage? Why is she talking about not being apart for a shorter period of time? Does this sound like a safe and secure wife? Or perhaps this is the painting by an artist who doesn't want people to look too close at the canvas? Are there cracks in the foundation that are leading Kidman to keep Keith on a very short leash?

Fans by Association - Think Again, Ms. Kidman

Nicole Kidman has a hate/use/hate relationship with Keith Urban's fans. Do any of you honestly think she likes you? No, you are the overweight, uneducated hicks who bought the myths written about her husband. She knows that none of you would ever get a chance with her Keith Lionel so you are mere objects for her ridicule and scorn. Don't believe that do you? Well, at a restaurant in Nashville, Kidman was having a lettuce leaf with an assistant and was overheard mimicking her server’s accent. And while she will go sit in the back room of the beauty shop she does not talk to any of the locals and will freeze you out if you approach her. The only time she appears to be friendly is if she is with Keith. Even then be careful - that gaze can freeze you to your core. But isn't it amazing that in the last few months Kidman has been kind to the locals and nice to Keith's fans? Why the change? Because she wants you to go to her stupid movie. That’s the only reason. She doesn't like the fans; never has. Her attitude is that one must keep their life and persona a bit of a mystery. She apparently has told Keith this is how he should treat his fans. In country music, however, you can't.

Keith had to educate her about this, and remember Kidman learned from a master manipulator, her one true love, about how to conduct oneself in public. It does look like when her one true love walked out on her he took a lot of fans with him. Her box office is a shining example of her lack of fan base, so what is a manipulative shrew to do? Tap into her current husband’s fan base. She has been manipulating the masses for months about her balanced life in Tennessee. She had her baabee there. Did any of you really think it had to do with Keith and what he wanted? No way. She just wants you to fill up the theaters on November 26th. Well, I know I will be in a theater but I will be watching Twilight. Somehow watching a movie about a vampire is better than seeing a movie with a real life one in it. Still going to argue about her love of the simple life? Wouldn't you spend a warm family first holiday in your country home with your little girl and husband? Not our Nic! She told a reporter at the Glamour awards that she and the baby would be in New York City looking at the lights. By that time the fate of the epic will be known and she won't have to hang with the little people. I do hope she tells Keith where she and the little girl will be for Christmas; from his comments this week he still was in the dark.

Reviews! Reviews! We've got Reviews!

Oprah:

What can we say that Lainey hasn't? Hugh Jackman saved it from being hokey; he explained away Nicole Kidman's interpretation of the love scenes as being one of truly dual ecstasy to being a job with a love scene. Make no mistake that showing off the picture of the baby wasn't planned. Kidman used the occasion to sell her movie and her daughter. Kidman has worked in films since she was a teen she knows when the little red light is on; she had lasik surgery on her eyes she can see the camera is running. But, of course, Julia Roberts showed off her youngest on Oprah, so why not Nicole? I just can't get over how banal Kidman really is.

Speaking of banality and Julia Roberts, Monday night Glamour magazine had its Women of the Year awards in New York City and Kidman showed up. Also there and breathing in her neck was Keith Lionel Urban. Didn't you figure since he didn't show for the ELLE awards he would be at this event? I know I did.

It was a cold but lovely night; forget about Hillary Clinton and the others - it was Nicole's night to shine. Taking a page right out of the script for Pretty Woman, Kidman got up on her balcony, oops, stage and uttered that three and a half years ago she was doing okay, working, had two children but something was missing. She wasn't loved! I suppose those of you who may be fans of hers will take offense at that. Then she met a man who said ‘Come to Tennessee; yes, we will sell my house that you don't like, we can change my wardrobe and kill my career because you deserve to be loved. Let’s be together and make a baby’. She then thanked Keith Lionel. Yep, she called him that just so you know they have been intimate. It was nauseating and it was reported differently by all the outlets that reported on it. But they saved one another! Just like Julia and Richard Gere. Too bad she has never had a unique idea in her life.

The DVD:

I sat through this and while it was okay, it just didn't make me recall the tour or to be excited about his performance - maybe because that person who shows up in the DVD is actually a creation. Yes, Kidman is in it, and yes the credits are about her and not about the tour at all. He seems insincere, packaged, and phony these days which leads us to the new single, Sweet Thing.

The Latest Single:

Jumping the Shark - this is a Hollywood term originated from an episode of Happy Days where Fonzie actually jumps a shark on his motorcycle because the show had nothing more to say. Jumping the shark applies to Sweet Thing. I wonder if Keith has writer's block or his best days are behind him? While pining for your loved one is fine for an 18 year old like Taylor Swift, it sounds predatory from a man in his forties. Maybe because he is excessively rich and doesn't live among the real folk anymore, Keith can't actually write as an adult male? This man may have seen his best work in days gone by. Keith Lionel Urban is capable of better.

Don't blame me, I am an actress...

How many times have we heard Nicole Kidman say that the work is much more important to her than the box office? Many times… and why? Because with her track record Kidman can't really say anything else; all does not look well for the Australia epic. Baz has yet to release the film to the studio for final production. There are rumors that the studio wanted a more uplifting ending (SPOILER), what with Hugh dying and all.Yes, this could be a big huge stinker. One telltale sign will be if critics don't get access to the film before it is released. If that doesn't happen, then BOOM! With this disaster simmering what does our Nicole do? She announces that she has signed on to produce and star in another movie.

It is a strategy she has used before. If you will recall just before the Invasion, Kidman announced her role in the epic and her other jobs that were upcoming. You remember her remake of How to Marry a Millionaire, a film that still hasn't been made. Yes, Kidman wants you to know she is still viable as an actress even if her films continue to be bombs. Luckily her divorce made her a very wealthy woman who can create work for herself, because it is looking as if this may be the only way she will find work.

A couple of other tidbits:

We will have a review of Sweet Thing very soon.

We have been asking ourselves why none of Keith Urban's fan outlets were told he was having a #1 party recently; it's strange that of the six or seven people still active in Monkeyville they wouldn't have been told that the party was going on and that it was open to the public. It seems that Echo did have some fans there, but they were there to see Nicole Kidman. You can tell that by looking at the footage; all those young women standing with Kidman for pictures - while Keith was on the sidelines alone with his wineglass at a party that was supposed to be about him. He should be used to that by now, shouldn’t he?

The endless promotion of the epic continues, and now is being brought front and center to the country music world. Kidman and Hugh Jackman will be presenting an award at the CMA’s on Wednesday night. We knew it would happen sooner or later, and what better time than to promote her make-it or break-it movie?

Nicole Kidman's Diary - Part Three

WEEK TWO

DAY I

I attended some ridiculous little play in the local theatre here in Kununerra. I had to leave half way through, because it was horrible. The people had made dinner for us, but I honestly couldn’t eat it. It was a simple salad and some horrible pasta with shrimp and cream sauce and a chocolate cake for dessert. I tried the salad but the pasta was badly cooked and heavy. They had a nice wine though, and I drank four glasses, so I was a bit light headed when Keith and I headed out. I told them that I had had a laugh and so, was grateful for the break in the tension on set. Keith said we should stay til the end, because they’d gone to a lot of trouble, but I am sure they were thrilled that I showed up at all.

Keith and I had one of our “I’m trying really hard to convince myself I’m happy” conversations. He is tiresome at times. I get bored with him. Tom was so full of life and opportunity. He showed me so much about living … how I want to live, and Keith’s world is just not that attractive to me. He is so ordinary. Not that he isn’t handsome, but he’s no Tom Cruise. God knows he tries. He’s dressing a bit more like Tom at least. Fortunately, he has convinced himself that he needs to continue to learn how to want what he already has. I need a man around me. Right now, that’s Keith.

DAY II

It’s 42 degrees today and I am exhausted just thinking about the heat. My water was almost 10 degrees today and I have had enough of it. There is no excuse for it…it’s just shoddy. Someone will be fired for it.

I am feeling a bit shaky in my acting. Baz asked me to re-do one scene 33 times…and had me try to furrow my brows several times to no avail. But he told me that it’s OK to be shaky in your confidence and self esteem…even he feels it. I know he’s my creative partner. I eases my anxiety. He nurtures my soul. He titillates my imagination. He is the lover I wish I had…I would gladly make love to him. Keith approaches, smiling at me, with a tall glass of ice tea but I tell him that I’m in a good place now and to leave me alone before he ruins it. I take the tea, though. I’m very hot and dusty.

The thing about Keith is that he cares for me no matter what I do. If I yell at him, strike him, throw things at him, cuss at him, or tell people he’s useless, he still stays by me. Sometimes I think it’s my money, but he tells me it has nothing to do with money. He is there for me, no matter what.

DAY III

It’s brutal today. The winds are very high and my eyes are stinging. I’m having a hard time closing them completely since my last treatment which is not helping. My hairdresser is finally feeling better…and he finally gave me my money’s worth. I was starting to get sick of seeing his pale anemic face with the sweat dripping off his chin, as he did my hair. Honestly, it was getting tiresome.

I am supposed to be driving the herd of cattle along the river. My double is out in the blazing sun, while I sit in my trailer. Thank God for air conditioning. They come to get me as there is a scene that I have to shoot. The double can’t do it. I will have to ride the horse through the herd. I hate it. The cattle are such smelly creatures and I honestly don’t even like to look at them let alone smell them. But, this is what makes the movie. The idea that I was actually out amongst these creature, herding them, castrating them. Baz says that if I can make this look natural, it will MAKE the film. It’s all in my hands. I am the only one who can make the film work. It’s a powerful feeling. I mount the horse and gallop through the cattle herd, across to the edge of the river. “Cut!” My scene is over and I’m sure it will make the last six hours of work my double did in the blistering heat seem almost surreal. I feel extraordinarily powerful. I smile as I get off the horse and walk back to my trailer. I feel a bit faint after being in the heat for 15 minutes, but I’m sure the cool water and fan in my trailer will revive me.

Tomorrow we head back to civilization and out of this horrible desolate landscape. I look forward to some sushi…something of substance to vomit up.

….Home. I'll go home. After all... tomorrow is another day.

A break from the diary for a more sobering blog...

I hope the rumors were true that Keith Urban was drinking the fruit of the vine at his #1 party because the horseshit that spewed from his mouth could only have been said from someone who was either not in control of their faculties, or a dumb idiot.

Why so harsh? Because Keith must realize that equating a song with his wife, a song that was over seven years old, was just going to push some of his fans over the brink of fandom. Here is the message loud and clear for you Keith Urban, WE DON'T LIKE YOUR WIFE. WE THINK THAT SHE HAS RUINED A LARGE PART OF YOUR CAREER AND YOUR ASSOCIATION WITH HER DRAGS YOUR TALENT DOWN. Boy that felt good to get out.

Itʼs not like we haven't said that before but sometimes a reminder is good. The song that went to #1 for one week this summer was a fan favorite. It was a song that you had removed from the play list for most of the tour. It was brought back by request. You admitted you didn't even want to rerecord it but the record company pushed you to do it. It wasn't the record company that made it a hit it was YOUR FANS. Hey, you ungrateful bastard, thank YOUR FANS, not your meal ticket addiction, for the success. But of course you didn't. I guess you know that you won't be winning next week at the CMA's, so you had to thank your wife/addiction. I bet the reason you were late to the big shindig on Monday afternoon was because you had to explain to Nicole 'It's All About ME' Kidman where you were going and why - no wonder you were drinking. The pressure to be her pony boy must be intense.

It is your choice to stay with that waste of humanity just as it is my choice to no longer buy your products nor attend your concerts. I was a supportive skeptic, now I am just a very pissed off one.

Nicole Kidman's Diary - Part Two

WEEK ONE - KUNUNURRA (cont.)

DAY IV
My emotions are raw. I am sick of the child Brandon. Every time his snotty little brown face looks up at me and smiles, I have to restrain myself from striking him. He is stealing the scenes from me and it annoys me to no end. I hate working with children.

I hooked up with Isadora and Calum last night by webcam. They weren’t that interested in talking to me, but I had to tell them what I am doing, how hard it is and how very tired I am. I thought it would be good for them to know how much I worked for them. How much I sacrificed for them. Children are so self absorbed, however, and all they seemed to want to talk about was their friends. I got bored and told them I had to go. I love them so much and need them to tell me how much they love me and admire me.

I am dying to have a child, a real child…one from my womb. It would be so important to me to carry a child inside in my tummy and show everyone how young and vibrant I am. I have asked Keith many times but he wants to wait. His sobriety is something he feels he needs to work on. I’m so sick of hearing about his damn sobriety. I went through hell when he went in for treatment. Didn’t he realize what he put me through? Sometimes I think he has no idea how I’ve suffered for his addictions.

DAY V
I am overwhelmed again. They are asking me to work from 9 am until 3 pm with only three one-hour breaks. It’s ridiculous. Is there no law against overextending people? Just because I am a star?

A woman from the local catering agency made eye contact with me today. I was simply appalled at her forwardness. I am an Oscar winner and I am the star of this movie. So, when she looked at me and smiled an acknowledgement, I almost blew. Keith told me to relax, she was just being pleasant. He is so easy. But it is clearly outlined in my contract that I do not have to tolerate impudence like this. I reported her to Baz and she was gone by the end of the day. That will show everyone what the appropriate standard of behavior is. I see some of them looking at me, out of the corner of my eye, but most look away immediately if I look toward them. I don’t mind them gazing at me in awe of my beauty, but the direct contact is completely unacceptable.

DAY VI
My forehead moved today! It did not move much, but I saw in the mirror a tiny line forming between my eye brows. The last treatment should have lasted longer. I hyperventilated and Keith had to rub my feet to calm me. Thank God he loves me so much. I immediately called my surgeon. Baz will fly him in as quickly as possible. Production must be halted in the meantime.

Baz came to ask me if it would be possible to film some of the sweeping scenes that don’t need close ups. I was amazed that he would ask me to step foot out of my trailer in this condition. I told him that he was pushing me to the limit, and if he didn’t stop, I might quit and where would he be? He backed off…and he and Keith had a conversation outside. I knew he was trying to get Keith to encourage me to work with him, but I don’t care if it is $250,000 per day when we can’t film. I am not exposing myself to any scrutiny because of my face. It is natural and pure and creamy white. Plus my lips will be fuller than ever after my surgeon has come.

This being the sixth day, Baz calls off the shoot and we will get the rest of today and tomorrow off. I am feeling so rejuvenated. It’s like I’m living in a dream land. The landscape is desolate and dreary and dusty and hot. I am so relieved to get out of this God forsaken place. People say I’m dreamie.

...to be continued

Nicole Kidman's Diary - Part One

Nicole Kidman bared her soul and then buried the diary. She had her publicist write one because it was promised to help promote her latest flop. We found the original diary written by Nicole and are bringing it exclusively to our Urban Myths’ Readers.

WEEK ONE –KUNUNURRA

DAY I
I despise Mondays. I can’t believe they’ve put me on a plane with a bunch of people who are simply extras or bit actors. It’s disgusting. There is no bathroom on the plane, and I’ve told them, through my Personal Assistant (Keith), that when we land, I will be using the facilities first and they are not to look directly at me, as I disembark this plane, nor crowd around me waiting for the bathroom. When I have had time to freshen up, we will advise them and they can look away as I leave the facility. Then they can use it...

I walked in the park with my niece on the weekend and I have sore feet. They’re blistered and oozing. When Keith was painting my toe nails, he told me that they have an odor, but not that much more pungent than usual. I will ask Baz to advise everyone that my feet are sore and so, they must carry my things and possibly even carry me to the set and out to the horses. I am a martyr to carry on under the circumstances.

It’s horribly hot. I have had to ask that the assistants bring me additional ice for my water, as the water temperature had risen above 8 degrees C and I’ve told them repeatedly that it must remain at 6 degrees or below, or I can’t possibly drink it. I don’t want them to think I’m a diva, but this is absurd.

My hairdresser has not been feeling well. He had a very high fever, abdominal pain, bloody diarrhea and was vomiting on and off this morning. They offered me another hairdresser, but I refused. Do they think I would submit to another person touching my hair? I told him to feel free to lay down this afternoon for 45 minutes while I’m on set, and then, when I return, he can wash and set it for the evening. He was grateful for the rest, especially in this heat. I am a kind master and quite medical.

King George was chanting and singing some aboriginal crap. I told him to please be quiet. It is so annoying how self centered he is. I’ve had a very trying day, my feet are sore and my hairdresser is ill and couldn’t give me the attention I usually get, so I was in no mood to humor his caterwauling. I am not inclined to listen to his drivel. It’s hot. It’s dusty. I’m tired as I spent almost two hours on set in the heat, while assistants fanned me, just to keep me from passing out.

DAY II
It is very hot. My hairdresser says that the bloody diarrhea is much better and his abdominal pain is subsiding. He is quite dehydrated and feels weak. I told him to make sure he washed his hands carefully before touching me when he’s doing my hair. The last thing I need is an infection from him.

I find this whole experience overwhelming. It’s the hottest day yet. My feet are still sore. My hair is not what it should be because my hairdresser is unable to give me his best efforts due to his illness.

I do not eat a lot traditionally. A blueberry here, a lettuce leaf there, a Starbucks’ scone occasionally…but at least I get food that I can enjoy, even if I do vomit it up later. There are oranges and strawberries and kiwis. There is bread and butter. There are eggs and bacon and sausages. There are croissants, and muffins and danishes. There is toast and jam. There are juices, coffee and tea. But there are no blueberries. I am offered muffins, but there are no scones. I am completely at a loss. The quality of the catering is unbelievably subpar. I must speak with Baz.

Baz has been stressed because of the enormity of this project. We’ve talked about it several times. The money…the expectations…he is in very deep. So, I hesitate to bring this to him. But I know he would expect it. I know he would be shocked to know that I was unable to find anything fit to eat. I’ve had more trouble with the temperature of my ice water…it rose to almost 9 degrees C today waiting for an assistant to finish bandaging someone’s lacerated leg, before he could get me more ice. I was seething.

As always, Baz eases it. He strokes me. He makes love to my temper. He gives me sustenance when no one else can. He is divine. He is extraordinary. He is the man I love. He is the man I crave. He is the man I would take second only to Tommy, my first love. But then, I must return to my trailer to Keith. He says “hi” to me while he is emailing one of his music people in Nashville. He is supposed to be combing my merkin for the love scenes in Sydney and I chastise him for taking time off for HIS music instead of tending to my needs. He apologizes and immediately grabs the comb.

He tells me that after a good sleep I will be a new person…and we fly back to the hotel on the private helicopter. Keith bathes me and rubs my feet. After cutting my toe nails he paints them a deep red. I go to bed feeling better and invigorated.

DAY III
I slept well. I get out of the helicopter to be met by Baz. He wants me to stay on site for a few days, so we can film late at night and early in the morning. He wants me to stay in a tent. A TENT??? WTF!

I am seething. He tells me it’s a huge tent, with running water and electricity and air conditioning. It is so small … 15 feet by 20 feet. True…it is for two nights only and there is electricity, running water and air conditioning, but it IS a tent. And it is far smaller than my standards…and smaller than the requirements in my contract. I look around. The light bulbs are 60 watt…I advise Baz that if they change the light bulbs to 40 watt and a refrigerator with ice is placed IN the tent, I will stay, but for TWO nights and two nights only. And there needs to be an additional tent for Keith, so he has his own space. I feel like I have made a huge concession. I am not someone who expects too much. I am just a regular girl like any other Aussie girl but I do have my standards. Baz seems pleased that I’ve been so willing to stay.

It’s hot all day. A black crow swoops down near where I am standing and I am immediately overtaken by the bad omen it represents. I scream…and faint immediately, waking up to an extra fanning me with his dusty old hat. I’m horrified and have him fired on the spot. Not only did he touch me but he was looking right at me, when I woke up. I felt dirty and had to retire early for a complete sponge bath. Keith is getting quite good at them, and has mastered the art of shaving my legs and underarms.

....to be continued